"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."
When I was in third grade my teacher gave us a task. The starter "In my 8 years of life I have learned..." was given to us and we were to fill in the rest of the statement.
"In my 8 years of life I have learned that it's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." While my peers wrote "Purple gum tastes best," and "Basketball rocks," I wrote that truism. I'd heard my father say it several times.
Our responses were sent to the local newspaper. Select answers were being published in an exposé insighting the daily reader into the life of today's third grader. My answer was chosen to be published.
At 8-years-old, a published credit in the newspaper was a sizable, uncommon ordeal. Neighbors approached to tell me they read my quote in the newspaper. In some small way, I felt a little bit of celebrity distinction. Ironically, the answer that got me published in the first place triggered the very situation it addresses.
At the time, it was nice to be important. These days, however, I contemplate the being nice.
In the ultimate truth box of their mind, heart, or soul, do you think anyone believes they themselves are not a nice person?
Of course there is room for error: regrets, shame, life lessons learned over poor choices. Even so...
Through all the mistakes, I’ve never come across anyone who considers himself not to be a nice person. We all see ourselves as nice people who have made bad decisions, some more than others. Why, then, do we not see each other that way?
It’s fascinating to me how liberally people perceive and refer to others as not nice, all the while considering ourselves--of course--to be nice. The polarity is intriguing to me, not the hypocrisy (well, the hypocrisy too, but in this case I’m discussing the polarity). Is private opinion or public opinion correct?
At one point or other, every person has been perceived to not be nice*. Yet, every person considers himself to be nice. Therefore, either we have a society that is completely 100% nice or completely 100% not nice. And, it’s all a matter of perspective.
Personally, I shy away from the generalization of ‘nice’ and, more so, appreciate capabilities. Capabilities accurately tune to a person’s character while reserving the judgement associated with being ‘nice.’ It allows you to appreciate the person for what they have to offer without additional expectations.
Is this person capable of picking me up from the airport? Can I rely on this person for a good laugh? I know who to call if I’m feeling vindictive. I also know who I can count on for a smile. Life is a window shopping spree, friendship is a fitting room, and society is a gigantic closet through which you sift and piece together an outfit to surround yourself for the day.
Somedays you need the structure of a suit. Somedays you need the comfort of a sweater. I would hate to go even a single day without shoes, but they do not give the same support as undergarments. Likewise, briefs do not provide the same style as a sleek, button-down shirt.
Capabilities is about understanding what each garment was made for. Some people are suits; they will council and motivate. Some people are shoes; they will comfort and protect. Others offer lift and support. I have no use for a strand of pearls in my closet, but pearls are lovely people anyway. Nor do I have what it takes to pull off skinny jeans, but I love when other people rock them. And, some people you simply keep around because they make you look good.
When my mom needed a writer, she came to me. She relied on my brother to sand and revarnish the dining room table. When she needs a lunch partner, she calls my sister. When my uncle came to visit and she needed someone to greet him, she did it herself.
Even though I was home and available at the time, she took a lunch break from work to come welcome him. She’s knows she plays hostess better than any of us. She opened the door with a smile and a hug. She excitedly engaged him in conversation. She took him around and showed him where everything was.
Does this mean my mother views me as not nice? I hope not! In this instance (an uncle with whom I’m not close), fawning host just wasn’t my forte. Had she left it to me, I would have opened the door to let him in, showed him how to use the TV remote, and then sequestered myself in my room.
I would have made him lunch had she asked. That’s something I can handle. But, that’s not what she needed. She needed an engaging host and she knew she was more capable than any of us at providing it.
Identify the positives in each person and discard the negatives. Don’t be surprised when you go to put them on and a pair of shorts is still a pair of shorts. They will never grow to become pants, no matter how much you wish they would. If you expect a pair of slippers to keep your head warm in winter then you are responsible for your own headache. Appreciate shorts for their short-ness, appreciate footwear in the way it is intended, and find a woolen hat to fit your cold head.
Everyday is an opportunity to combine, utilize, enjoy, and appreciate society’s style, functionality, color, size, texture, etc. What’s important to remember is not all of us will have the same aesthetic: one woman’s trashy is another woman’s treasure.
To reign in the subjective freedom of my fashionable example, I will provide an analogy for the left brain as well by using word construction.
People are an alphabet. P cannot sound like H, and it would be unfair to expect it to. I may not use Q often, but--when I do--no other letter does the job quite the same.
Each letter offers a specific sound. I associate with each individual letter because I recognize I need their sound to create all the words I wish to say. I pick and choose which letters to use, and when to use them, based on what sound they are capable of producing.
I use some more often than others because some sounds are more commonly useful. It is natural some letters will be closer to us than others. But, all are perfectly good letters with contributive qualities. Therefore, they are all worthy of love.
*When I was teaching in high schools a student once cursed my testicles would shrivel up and fall off. I doubt she saw as me as nice.
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