Sometimes the scariest part of my day is when I try to flip a cracker over with my tongue (usually because I didn't put the salty side face down) and the cracker gets stuck perpendicular to my mouth like a tent pole.
I try to break it with brute clamping force, but the baked snack has suddenly turned from woven wheat into a marble column. It's like cupping an egg in your palm and trying to crack it; the pressure distribution is too calculated to submit to human tampering.
I try the castle door approach and use my tongue as a massive tree trunk to ram the beast, hoping the cracker will snap in half like a chopped karate board. No luck.
My aching jaw is stretched to capacity and feels as though it’s solidifying there like quick-drying cement. My mouth starts to freak out because it can't close. For some reason my throat is now convinced it won’t be able to breath unless I can get this mouth closed again, which actually seems counterintuitive. That's where the finger steps in!! Pulverizing the wall left by evil Captain Carbohydrate like a Super Man!
With the blockade down, finger crawls down the mouth of the volcano to free the 3,500 calories trapped inside before calling it a day. And, all are happy.
My hero.
