Recently, I've accumulated many articles on relationships as part of a project I'm working on. I've been reading articles on all types of relationships, but one I came across the other day made me think. It was titled 10 Reasons Gays Guys are Losing the Ability to Fall in Love. That sounded horrible! What could be worse than losing the ability to fall in love? A ghastly epidemic. My interest was piqued.
Truthfully, I only made it through the first reason before my mind took off in its own direction. The first reason the article listed was "We Get Too Comfortable Too Quickly."
The article says that by week two of the relationship, the couple is already treating each other like an old married couple rather than letting the passion sizzle. Essentially, giving me the image of a passion silo where your ability to have a long-term relationship is dependent on how well you ration it out.
This made me question. Is this true? Love is exciting and wonderful, particularly in the beginning. Is it wrong to follow your heart when it's feeling that way? Can peaking too soon burn up all the fuel in your love fire? Would taking it slower be likely to extend the life of the relationship, or is getting comfortable a quick way of determining whether substance is there or not?
Perhaps it's because I originate from a "when you know, you know--why wait?" culture that--more often than not--has proved that to be true. But, I don't believe in holding back in a relationship. I believe in honest, open communication and behavior. If that means I think about you all the time, I'm going to let you know. If I enjoy spending time with you, I'm going to try and spend as much time with you as possible. And, why not? We are trying to see if we want to spend the rest of our lives together, after all.
Perhaps it's because I originate from a "when you know, you know--why wait?" culture that--more often than not--has proved that to be true. But, I don't believe in holding back in a relationship. I believe in honest, open communication and behavior. If that means I think about you all the time, I'm going to let you know. If I enjoy spending time with you, I'm going to try and spend as much time with you as possible. And, why not? We are trying to see if we want to spend the rest of our lives together, after all.
Of course we all know the butterflies will fade. But, if it's a good partnership, the core structure upholding longevity will still remain. If a relationship goes from hot and fiery, to old married couple, to over and done in three weeks...then it's not because the couple blew their emotional load the first week. It's because one (or both) of the partners doesn't have the structure to uphold it.
*Caution: this post is going to contain large generalizations. I want to acknowledge I'm fully aware there are beautiful, wonderful examples out there and exceptions readily available. Also, I am only basing this on what I have witnessed. I have no empirical data to back up my hypotheses.
In my personal observations (which are multiplied ten fold when taking into account all the stories and examples others have shared with me), the gay population is largely mercurial. Always on to something new; something shiny; the next best thing. This is why the gay population (though statistically very small) is such a massive contributor and driving force in pop culture. Unfortunately, though, relationships are not fickle exempt.*Note: I am also specifically speaking of gay male culture and not the entire LGBT community. For whatever reason, these generalizations don't seem to apply as much in the lesbian culture.
I would guess this propensity for the next best thing arises from living on the surface. People live on the surface when they can't fathom their own emotions. Living on the surface means living among distractions. It's a way of self-medicating. Rather than dealing and learning to live with emotions that seem overwhelming, people shove the emotions in a closet and shut the door before the emotions can fall out again. To keep their mind off the bowing, burgeoning, mushrooming closet, they go out on the town. This provides plenty of distractions. Ooo! Alcohol. Ooo! New clothes. Ooo! Pop star's new album is dropping. Ooo! Reality television. Etc.
